Is texting cheating? What the science says about infidelity in romantic relationships.

When most people think about cheating, they most often think about physical acts with another person. That is a clear, hard boundary in most romantic relationships that people know not to step beyond. Where boundaries get fuzzier is when other kinds of thoughts, feelings, or actions cross the line. With the vast majority of people disapproving of infidelity, finding it unforgivable (Gallop Poll, 2025), understanding where those boundaries are is important. Let's dig into what the science says about infidelity in our romantic relationships.

What is infidelity?

At the broadest level, infidelity refers to violating an expectation of exclusivity in your relationship. Each person and each couple may have different expectations around what exclusivity looks like, making it challenging to definitively identify what behaviors might be considered cheating. It can include a more traditional violation, like engaging in physical intimacy with another person, but can also include investing emotional resources (like love, time, and attention) toward someone else (Warach et al., 2024). Most importantly, when someone feels the need to conceal their interactions with other people because they are worried it might break the trust or loyalty of their partner, that is a good indication that they are aware they are crossing a relationship boundary.

How often does infidelity happen?

In one meta analysis of approximately 300 studies on infidelity (Warach et al., 2024), researchers estimated that approximately 17.5% of people had ever engaged in sexual infidelity. This was the smallest behavioral bucket, with 27.2% of people reported having ever engaged in emotional infidelity, and/or 18.4% having ever engaged in electronic infidelity. The authors indicate that these estimates are likely higher than the real prevalence of cheating in society because of publication biases (e.g., what studies get published) and self-selection biases (e.g., who chooses to participate in research). In a review article from Fincham and May (2017), the authors state that sexual infidelity rates are between 2-4% for married spouses in a given year, but that it is expected that infidelity is more common in non-married relationships (i.e., cohabiting partnerships, and dating relationships) because they are often less committed relationships.

Is texting considered infidelity?

One of the challenges with science is it moves slowly. In today's electronic environment, certain behaviors might be considered infidelity that scholars haven't accounted for yet. If we scroll on TikTok today, we see many people identifying certain kinds of digital behavior as red flags. For example, is it cheating to follow a lot of Instagram models? Does it only escalate to cheating if you like or comment on models' photos? Is watching pornography cheating? What about subscribing to someone's OnlyFans account? These questions are valid and merit conversations in new relationships for what expectations partners have for online behaviors in the context of fidelity and exclusivity.

When it comes to texting, this feels more clear to me. If someone is engaging in texting behaviors that interfere with either the relationship confidence or emotional closeness of their partner, that crosses a line. If someone is hiding their texting behaviors from their partner, it crosses a line. If someone is building an emotional connection with someone else that makes their partner uncomfortable, it crosses a line. We know what texting with our friends should look and feel like - when it moves into something you need to hide or obfuscate with your partner, it is important to take a long hard look in the mirror and make some choices about your partnership or your friendship.

It is okay, normal, and important to have friendships outside of your romantic relationships. In fact, people should have a life and friendships that exist outside of their romantic relationship. However, when we are in a committed partnership, we are responsible for ensuring we don't harm our partner. If your friendship is getting blurry and you feel you are building an emotional dependence on them that moves beyond a normal friendship and is threatening your romantic relationship, it's time to make some hard choices.

References

Gallop Poll (2025, July 23). Adultery, cloning still seen as most immoral behaviors. Gallup.com.

Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70-74.

Warach, B., Bornstein, R. F., Gorman, B. S., & Moyer, A. (2024). The current state of affairs in infidelity research: A systematic review and meta‐analysis of romantic infidelity prevalence and its moderators. Personal relationships, 31(4), 1001-1026.